There is something intriguing about the curiosity of what lies underneath your toes in the hushed movements of the ocean. The rhythmic sounds of the waves upon any object as the sea begins to calm, cleanses my frail body. The waves begin to linger one by one as they meet the edge of my surfboard. It is so strange how calm the ocean can appear, yet how vigorous and powerful its motions can be. So cold is the night air, so dark is the night sky, and so bright is the night moon that reflects onto the glistening, blue water. My surfboard and I sit on the top of the deep unknown below. As I sit there the constant swaying becomes so hypnotizing that the rippling of the water begins to echo a faint voice telling me to be a part of the ocean’s mysterious unknown. As the familiar voice fades into the beckoning night air, my body becomes numb to the point where I can only think without the control of my actions; they have a mind of their own. The ocean’s call to happiness and freedom pulls me in deeper, and now I rest full bodied in water with a light grip on the edge of my surfboard. I float in a world with no boundaries or expectations that push me to the impossible, absorbing the serene sensation of absence, reminiscing nothing but the thoughts of now. Seconds before the next wave is about to come and sweep away the last importance of my being…
***
…the trickling of the rain drips down my window, waking me slowly from my dream as I question its reality. I need to go back to sleep. I need to fall asleep one final time to find my place in the world. I despised, and feared when I was awake, and should have relieved myself from the monster had I confessed—it was now, I say, the reflection of a dreadful—of a hopeless mystery—from the waters. It was holding me back, but no longer will I let it do so. My eyes slowly begin to close where a faint slit of blurriness still peers through and…
***
… I take my final breath, a final breath of life and remorse. Looking up into the heavenly moon with its bright light that it sheds, I slowly rest my eyes back in my head and let go; let go of all uncertainty. I can hear the beat of my heart through whooshing sounds of water as it forces me deeper into is nature. My heart begins to race frantically as I go into a state of panic and shock, pulsing in my head, overwhelming all possible thoughts. A tremendous pressure in my ears builds up, throbbing with excruciating pain. I scream out in my final feelings of torture as my chest tenses up. Then, gradually the distraught pounding turns to a hushed murmur dissipating as the seconds tick by. A bit longer it lasted, whispering beneath the stars which flew and sang and shined radiantly through the midnight sky. At peace was the ocean, and at peace was she.
***
Rebecca Hanley had died; her body, with an empty heart, flowing peacefully from wave to wave atop the curiosity of the ocean.
October 14, 1996-January 29, 2012
“Forever remembered”
